Dear Husbands, No More Punishment

by Charmayne Carter
Read Dear Husbands, Part I: We Love You
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We want to please you.  We think about ways to satisfy you, we read and seek advice on how to make you feel good….we want to give you some insight on how our minds work.

Imagine driving down an avenue with synced green lights and no traffic…
Or imagine driving on an empty highway…

You can get to your destination quickly because there’s nothing in your way that’s keeping you from getting where you desire to travel.  There’s a feeling of liberation and excitement that comes with this driving experience.  You feel powerful because everything is on your side.

Now, imagine an abrupt stop such as a major detour or traffic jam from an accident…

The excitement gets lost, and your concentration begins to shift toward the problem–things that hinder you from getting to your destination.  You no longer feel like everything is on your side…you’re no longer the king of the highway!

This is EXACTLY how we think and operate!

Your happiness is our destination.  We can have something planned out in our minds about what we want to do for you, but the moment we hit a road block–like when we see that you still haven’t done something we’ve asked you to do four days ago–we get frustrated and discouraged.  Another term for this kind of road block is a self-inflicted sex block.  We lose interest in pleasing you because our concentration shifts towards our frustration. These road blocks come especially when our love language isn’t being fulfilled.

Simply put here’s an equation that’s similar to “happy wife, happy life:”

WIFE – ROAD BLOCKS = REWARD
WIFE + ROAD BLOCKS = PUNISHMENT

Think about it in terms of masturbation…when you don’t fulfill our love language we have to “satisfy” ourselves with our own love language, which leaves us frustrated with you in return.  We get so burned out from “love language masturbation” that we have no energy for you.  That’s not what we want, really!

We married you.  We want to please you, not punish you.

Wife UP
High Calling Ministries
401-A Prince Georges Blvd
Upper Marlboro, MD 20774

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The Lie We All Tell…


by Christina Garrett

I tell you, ladies! As this challenge progresses, I continually see the things that God wants me to work on. Knowing that I’m far from perfect, I realize that my greatest struggle is procrastination and putting off until later what I could very well do right now if I got myself together! Some days, I feel motivated and energetic and other days it seems like time eludes me and runs off!

As we all know, life is hectic and family responsibilities are plenteous! As a homeschooling mom, with a newly mobile one year old and a pastor husband who is always having our clan on the go, as well as preparing for my first Running A Momathon Conference this June, I’ve found myself dishing out additional energy and heart. I know I prayed hard for increase, but Lord knows I should’ve asked the Lord to give me caffeinated blood to go with it! With all of this, it is requiring daily seeking of the Lord and asking Him to HELP ME, because, Lord, I just don’t know if I can do all of this family and career, and still workout and eat healthy when I’m always on the go!

I just….don’t….have…..TIME.

Today, as I meandered about my day trying to focus in on the massive amounts of things that I have to do, I realized: I DO HAVE TIME. I have time to wake up early, get devotions done before the children wake up. I could theoretically exercise for 30 minutes to an hour before the baby wakes and be energetic without coffee before the day even begins! I do have time to empower my day and keep my mind right and body tight! I DO have time to send a “sext” to my husband or pick him up an “I appreciate you” card to keep my marriage happy and sizzling. I DO have time to get my entrepreneurial pursuits on lock, motivate myself so I can in turn motivate others and be the capitalist of my moment!

I DO HAVE TIME.

Are you telling this little tale to yourself? Are you spending that extra hour on Facebook when you haven’t dedicated quiet time to the Lord in days? Are you chatting on the phone instead of cleaning or preparing dinner so the evening rush is toned down? Are you on the couch watching television for the hour that you could use to workout and extend your life, health and strength? I have…. Now, clearly, there are loopholes to this rule (i.e. son steps on your art bag and splatters white paint all over your carpet and his feet or an emergency home flood), but on those normal days, are you really using your time? Are you really zeroing in on making your time count? Are you capitalizing on your hours to become the more fervent, focused and FIERCE version of yourself that you can be? Only you know!

Let’s do it, divas!

Exit Stage Left Comfort Zone!

by Christina Garrett
We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
Hebrews 6:12 NIV

It isn’t called the Comfort Zone for no reason! Cushy, sweet and relaxing, the Comfort Zone is designed to pull us in and keep us in!! There is safety in the Comfort Zone. This is the place where we know that our beautiful, steady boat stays exactly the way it is. Whether we are satisfied or not with this place is one thing; but we definitely know that this is where we have security, with no surprises or shocks. Our hearts are protected in this space. We may have been resting in this area with no one to challenge us out of it. We could also have been driven into the safe Comfort Zone by heart break, conflicting circumstances, gain and loss of love or trust, or fear of the unknown.

Then here comes challenges that force us to exit the comfort zone, such as the Wife UP Challenge and the newest challenge, the Wife UP Health and Wellness 40 Day Challenge. We have previously talked about how health and physical fitness is more than just the movement of exercise, but also the connection that our minds and spirits make with the action we are doing. We may not even realize that we are locked into our own limitations and even our own fears, but the invitation to challenge yourself in your daily habits exposes lack of self-control and works out your will power muscle!

It’s a difficult day when we realize that we cannot live in our Comfort Zone. God requires of us to leave it. This place will close open doors, making us turn our faces away from light and and from God’s potential promise. Our loved ones need for us to step out of it to love them the best we can and experience what God wants us to have in intimate relationships. In order for us to make progress, it’s going to take great sacrifice, work and mental focus to shed our excuses and inhibitions and zero in on what has to change! It won’t be comfortable…it won’t always feel good.

Leadership expert John C. Maxwell reminds us that motivation isn’t something that usually comes before the action…it comes after! It comes with the focused weeks working towards our goals. It comes with the consistency of giving our all, especially after a long day at work or taking care of your home. It doesn’t feel good before…but when you feel the change–you become more positive, those jeans get looser, your skin glows from cleansing impurities from your body and eating living foods–you feel vibrant, energized and SEXY!

It has to get uncomfortable to see change. The burn that’s happening, the sweat that’s dripping, the GROWTH that emerges from your soul as you get in that last repetition…that’s fear, discomfort and a lackadaisical attitude about your life running away!  The biggest changes come to us when we cast away what used to be and press to be all that we can in Jesus’ Name!! That process won’t be easy, but our destiny demands it! Let’s go, ladies!

About the Writer
ChristinaChristina Garrett is a native of Washington, D.C., and a vibrant and vivacious wife of a wonderful Pastor for almost ten years. She is a homeschooling mom of four, including a set of twins (age 8, 5,5 and 1). She has a passion for seeing wives and mothers rock womanhood as an outpouring of their commitment to Christ. Christina is the founder of the community organization, Running A Momathon, who promotes self-care, and a life of purpose, diva-attitude and commitment to an active life. She loves the concept of women reaching their dreams and goals while conquering the challenge of balancing their self-identity, marriage, motherhood. We share this mission through conferences and workshops across the country.

Check out her blog about being a Pastor’s wife, runner-mommy and health when she’s not wrestling children!

Motivation


by Christina Garrett
Read "Divorcing the Scale"

As the year of 2016 progresses on, I’m sure there is a wave of New Year’s resolutions that are coming upon you as each month passes. What can I change? What can I do differently to ensure that 2016 will be MY explosive year? For many of us, our resolution is to treat our bodies better, eat less of the food that is adding onto our large tummies and get the workout in that we have been putting off for days, weeks or even months. Could I dare say years for some of us?

Yet, when the time comes to put in that workout DVD, the calling of the couch seems to win out over the motivation you once had! “I just don’t feel like it.” “I’ve had a long day…..” “I’m so tired. You won’t believe what happened to me.” Sound familiar?

Well, it’s about to be a New Year and we need a FRESH mentality! Here are some tips to build up that motivation!

1) Take a reality check.

Go into your bedroom or bathroom, any place with a large mirror. Sometimes the reason we won’t exercise is that we lack the reality that we need or desire change. We may cover up our imperfections with over-sized clothing, but there’s no lying to the mirror. I can clearly recall going into Target about 2 or 3 years ago, and saying “These size 16s must run small!” No, the sizes are fine. It was my over-eating and lack of motivation to exercise and take care of my body that was making the sizes go up. Go into the bathroom, undress and grab your stomach. I don’t know about you, but I have more than a handful to grab, and I would prefer at least a half-handful less! If you don’t like it, then it’s time for a change! Go straight from that mirror into your workout clothes.

2) Count your reasons for exercise.

I love to run. My body responds well to running. My stomach looks leaner in the morning after an evening run. My body just likes it! However, whenever I start a new running distance, I find a race to run to keep me moving. If I don’t have a race, I won’t train. My motivation? Fear of embarrassment!! I can just see all the other fit people soaring past my slow, lagging pace as I huff and puff to keep up to the “real runners.” If I don’t run (or at least keep up with the walkers), I will be embarrassed. So, I go outside on ice cold nights, when I can’t feel my toes and run laps around the parking lot of my apartment building.

What’s your reason? Some reasons can and should be more profound. Are you overweight and pre-diabetic? Can you not afford a new closet of clothes? Save yourself the money and just fit into your old ones. Are you a busy mom or dad who never takes time out for yourself? Is your lack of time for yourself causing a lack of peace and sanity? Take the time out to preserve your mentality and your waistline. There was a story of one man whose daughter was extremely ill and she needed an organ. Sadly, he was a perfect match but he was so obese that the operation would risk his life and he could not donate to save his own child. He was given 90 days to make an extreme weight change and he put on his tennis shoes and didn’t look back. He now runs marathons as if his life depends on it, because it once did.  His cause to workout was the love for his family. What’s yours?

3) Forsaking the excuses.

This is self-explanatory. Too often, we come up with reasons why we don’t have to do something. Those things that we are driven to do, we do. However, those that we can compromise on are the first to go. Make taking care of yourself mandatory. When I go outside and run, internally I argue with myself about all the reasons I have to quit early.

“I just ate, so I should be tired.”

“This is a new route I’m running, so I should give myself some leeway.”

“My body needs a break.” (Which can sometimes be: “I’m too lazy to get up.”

Sometimes, just as in the rest of our lives, we have to push past being tired, lazy, having a bad day or being stressed out and take control of our present and demand more of our future. If we don’t make changes happen, unfortunately, they will not magically appear! Just as we have to shake off our emotions to serve God or to do the right thing, we have to cast off the physical and emotional hindrances and do what we need to do. At the beginning of the day, start thinking about when you are going to exercise. Schedule it in during your child’s naptime, on your lunch break, before your husband or wife comes home, or even do it with your spouse. There’s no rule against the World’s Most Sexy Couple. No more excuses!

Coming up next, we’ll dish on the next two ideas to get you to the Motivation Station!

About the Writer
Christina Garrett is a native of Washington, D.C., and a vibrant and vivacious wife of a wonderful Pastor for almost ten years. She is a homeschooling mom of four, including a set of twins (age 8, 5,5 and 1). She has a passion for seeing wives and mothers rock womanhood as an outpouring of their commitment to Christ. Christina is the founder of the community organization, Running A Momathon, who promotes self-care, and a life of purpose, diva-attitude and commitment to an active life. She loves the concept of women reaching their dreams and goals while conquering the challenge of balancing their self-identity, marriage, motherhood. We share this mission through conferences and workshops across the country.

Check out her blog about being a Pastor’s wife, runner-mommy and health when she’s not wrestling children!